I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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