I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
