we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
