Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
