Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
