Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
