she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
