we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
