before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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