I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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