Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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