mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
