you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
