im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
