please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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