if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He felt like a one man threesome
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
