i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
