If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
