I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hippo gnu deer
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
