it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
