It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
