I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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