Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
