Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
