what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
