Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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