She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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