I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
