Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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