It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
