That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
