I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
