As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
