good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
