but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
