Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
