Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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