Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sext me about skeletons
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
