called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
