I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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