If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
