honey bunches of taint.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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