so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
