I just made out with a guy for $7.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
