I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
