he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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