And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
