Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
