We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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