My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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