my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
