Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
