so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
