my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
