so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
