I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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